Wealthy Mentality

Interesting research on the psychology of wealth. The study itself is interesting. They show that unethical behavior such as lying in negotiations is much more likely if one is wealthy or even imagining what it would be like to be wealthy. The researchers attribute this difference to a lack of empathy. I also feel like there is a change in self-identity, though, in terms of feeling more defined by how much one makes.

Ignorance Preserves Peace Between Friends

It's true. I like watching the Real Housewives shows. The Real Housewives of New York just ended its 4th season. A quick summary of the format. Camera crews follow 5 women around, and after each day of filming, each woman talks about what they were thinking earlier in the day as things were happening. Editing puts clips of things that happen right next to what they thought. They often were commenting on what they thought while talking to each other. Then, at the end of the year, the women get together for a "reunion show," and they all talk about what happened in the season. Well, it seems like every reunion show gets increasingly heated and out of control. People generally chalk it up to the casting of relatively outspoken and aggressive women. There is certainly some truth to that. You probably must be a little loony to think putting your life on television is a good idea. However, I have a theory that it would probably happen to anybody, man or woman.

Usually, when we go about our day, we interpret things that happen our own way, and while we do talk to other people when we have disagreements, of course there are still things that we don't say out loud. People generally have a positive view of themselves and even if they know other people have an uncharitable opinion of them, if nobody ever bothers to bring it up, there are no conflicts. If a camera crew and producer is following you around all the time, though... Plus, usually people stop thinking about things, but when it gets rehashed on TV, and then at the reunion show months after it happened, the negative feelings stick around and probably get stuck.

I think this means that a certain level of "collective cognitive dissonance" is needed for people to get along. I don't know if there's a real term for it. Actually Smark made it up. Sometimes we need to think everyone else is stupid without knowing that everyone sometimes thinks we're stupid in order to get along. People are often able to accept that they're a little bit wrong, but not too wrong. I think this rationalization is necessary for protecting one's mental health. Otherwise you would either get depressed or you'd constantly be second guessing your actions, which would probably make you depressed.

Anyway, all those women should probably quit the shows for their own mental health and emotional well-being.

Narcissism

Funny but actually a little chilling article about narcissism in Chinese women and what it means for their Western boyfriends. Haha

Some of the traits hit close to home such as "Has constant fantasies of unlimited success, money and power," and I think sometimes I do lack empathy, usually when I think someone did something stupid, which is quite often. I also know I have the ability to be manipulative, but I consciously decide not to do it most of the time. Contrary to narcissistic behavior, though, I feel like I usually am empathetic and I can take criticism. In fact, I think I have quite thick skin. I also feel I have already overcome some other negative aspects of narcissism such as the depression, low self-esteem, and needing affirmation of my self-worth.

Consequences in relationships include "Only seeking men who are perceived as powerful, influential, extremely handsome, well-educated and unique." Also "will engage in constant power struggles or will always need to prove she is right. Closet narcissists are usually very distrustful and devaluing of other women, mostly or entirely have male friends." Actually I have a good number of female friends, but I do tend to be initially distrustful or competitive, especially with attractive women.

The author describes China as a matriarchal society. "In public, I will give my future husband 'face'. I will not argue with him or yell back at him, but, in the house, I am the boss. I will tell him what to eat and what to wear and he will have to listen to me."

Most relevant to me. Ruh Roh

In this context, many Western men, soon after intentions of marriage have been discussed, or, at the very least, once the girl has achieved a certain level of security in the relationship, report how Chinese women metamorphosize into partners who are controlling, domineering and hypercritical. Love and concern are often expressed in a manner that we would refer to as both critical and overbearing. Feelings of love and concern will be expressed with, for example: "Why did you wash your hands before flushing the toilet? You are supposed to wash your hands after you flush the toilet"; "Why did you leave the light on in the bathroom. Are you using it now?" and; "You better do a good job or they won't ask you back!" If you can understand and accept these very common types of condescending admonishments from your Chinese girlfriend or wife as "true love," then you are a better man (certainly a more accepting and patient one) than most.

I was recently getting worried about getting too naggy with little "tips" like those above. Actually it's a little creepy that the examples are close to things I've said before, but it's also hilarious.

Bottom line:

Thus, as a rule, foreign men who report the greatest degree of contentment in and satisfaction with their marriages to Chinese nationals are those who typically prefer being married to, and have deliberately sought out in the past, a strong-willed and dominant maternal-like figure.

Who knows, maybe it's just a silly article with some crank psychology. However, unfortunately I am sorry to admit that some of the behavior described does seem to be a trend with Chinese women such as myself.

Longitudinal Study of Happiness and Success

Cool article about the Grant Study Men, people who were part of a long term study that lasted 70 years starting when they were sophomore at Harvard. It's really interesting to read about their lives and their personal development.

Employees, Bad Apples, and Unions

This American Life

Also, donate to NPR!

btw, i really hate people who don't vaccinate their children.

Mind Tricks

Derren Brown has a cool show called "Trick or Treat" that Toby and I like to watch sometimes. In it he plays a trick or a treat on someone. It is usually something like therapy that helps them overcome a fear or a mental block or something. He is good at hypnosis but also suggestion and otherwise getting people to do things. It seems like he could be a very effective psychiatrist and therapist.